What's For Dinner?

When we first moved in together, I burned through my arsenal of recipes,including a dish my mom used to make: Chicken and Rice.

When Tanya and I first started living together, we were both excited to show off how well we could cook.  One night she made the most amazing meatloaf I’ve ever had in my life.  Other nights she’d introduce me to her Sloppy Joes, Beef Stroganoff, chicken pot pie, lasagna, and the list goes on.  For her I made some of my specialties like grilled pork chops, potato salad, grilled cheese, risotto, polenta, Caesar salad, and the list goes on.  I think most people have a repertoire of things they make and they run through that when the question, “What’s for dinner?” comes  

up.

When we first became CSA (community supported agriculture) subscribers to a local farm, Whistling Train Farm, we encountered a problem.  We couldn’t just eat tacos on Tuesday or whip up a bowl of mashed potatoes when our mood demanded them.  We had all this produce we needed to use each week and sometimes there were things in our weekly basket we had no idea how to use.  Sometimes we just got plain sick of eating what we were given and had to find creative, new ways to use it.  The first winter we were subscribers, we had beets every single week for 12 weeks straight.  And Tanya HATED beets.  She hated beets though because she remembered the pickled old-people beets of her youth that came out of a can and ended up on some social gathering next to pickled herring and bread and butter pickles.  They taste a little different when they are orange heirloom beets, tossed in a little olive oil and roasted with some grey salt and cracked black pepper.  The point is, if we were going to do this, we had to be committed and we had to get creative.

We started to examine how to use preexisting recipes and techniques, tweaking them to use what we had on hand. One example is the often beloved, technically misunderstood, and not very intimidating once understood, Sushi Roll. We deconstructed the roll ingredient by ingredient and substituted what we could to meet our needs. The only thing that we couldn’t get away from buying in the store was the Japanese sticky rice (one because it is so farkin delicious and two because I love rice).  We did find an organic source, however.  I think it’s also important to remember you don’t have to go all in to make small changes. Replace one ingredient for something easy.  In this instance, we couldn’t get organic nori, the seaweed paper used to make sushi rolls, so we substituted it with blanched swiss chard.  

Here's a short instructional video about how to roll sushi in general.  Keep in mind, we've replaced the nori with blanched chard.

First I steamed the rice in a rice cooker.  For me, this means 1 cup of organic Japanese sticky rice to every 1 1/4 cup of water.  I added a little rice wine vinegar once it was done.  I realize sushi chefs train for years just to learn making rice before they ever even look at a fish, but it is what it is--let's get dinner on the table.

Next I got all the vegetables julienned and roasted off some pork the night before and shredded it.  You can use whatever combination of vegetables, fish, or other ingredients you choose.  It isn't the ingredients that matter, but the concept that sushi can be adapted to whatever you have and will be a nutritious and filling meal.  Unless of course you eat sushi in Mississippi where it's deep friend and sauced with mayonnaise.

Once the fillings were prepped, I got the chard ready by bringing a shallow, wide pot filled halfway with boiling water.  Next to it, I had a bowl of ice water to blanch the leaves to stop the cooking process once they came out of the boiling water.  You only want to soften the leaves and turn them bright green--cooking too long will compromise the leaf's integrity, making rolling the sushi difficult.

Once they are blanched, cut the tough rib out of the center.

I set all the ingredients aside and got plates ready.  I wrapped my sushi mat with plastic wrap to keep the rice from sticking and layered the chard leaves on top of that.  Then I added a thin layer of rice, not coming all the way to the edges.  To that I added vegetables and the shredded pork in the center.  I rolled the sushi and cut it into six pieces with a very sharp knife, being careful not to push on it and saw, but rather slice the roll gently so as not to crush it.

When we set out on this adventure, we didn't always know what to expect.  Cooking isn't like baking--it's very forgiving.  And even if everything fell apart, we could have just eaten this dinner as a bowl of rice and it still would have been delicious.  Don't be afraid to step outside of the box.   You never know what is waiting there for you.  While we still make Sloppy Joes, cheddar polenta, chicken pot pie and Caesar salad, we make new things too.  It turns out, we have some favorites we didn't even know about.

Five Minute Bread

Going organic isn’t just about finding labels marked “USDA certified organic.”  It’s a lifestyle change.  It’s about making sure our food is something we actually want to feed our families.  And without getting too political, it’s about making sure our food is coming from a local, sustainable source.  For us, that means setting a goal to grow and make as much as we can at home, with no additives, no preservatives, and no health inspector standing over our food to reassure us it was handled with care.  If we’ve grown it, made it, canned it, preserved it, raised it, there is no doubt it was. 

Recently, a friend of mine sent a book called “Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking” by Jeff Hertzberg, M.D. and Zoe Francois.  I was kind of skeptical at first since I’ve baked bread before and it just isn’t that simple.  The bread machine made baking accessible for me so when I want fresh bread, that’s how I make it.  The problem with bread machines is they take up a lot of space and they leave a weird hole in the bottom of the bread, making sandwiches crumble.  When we went organic, I found organic bread often cost $5 or more per loaf.  In addition, it was difficult to find specialty breads such as hamburger or hot dog buns, English muffins, bagels, pitas, and other sweet breads.  I could go to Pike Place Market, but wow is that a trek for a loaf of French bread.  Even then, it was impossible to find a good organic bagel.

These books, however, revolutionized the way we make bread and we haven’t bought a loaf since we got the books.  My actual time spent in the kitchen is about five to ten minutes, including clean up.  I can have a hot loaf of fresh bread on the dinner table every night with little effort.  All I have to do is pull out some dough when I first get home, and 40 minutes later, shove it in the oven.  Honestly, there is no reason to buy bread when you see how easy it is using this method.  I’m not trying to sound like a commercial, just encourage you to let you know that learning how to cut expenses out of your budget and to switch to organic foods isn’t that hard if you slowly change your habits one at a time.  This is a good one to begin with since it’s easy, cheap, and nothing is more satisfying than a crusty, hot loaf of bread you baked yourself. 

I’ll give you the recipes for the basic dough and an example of what you can make with that basic dough to get your started, but I highly recommend you buy the books.  I’ve adapted the recipes slightly for our use, and you may do the same as you get more comfortable with how the recipes work in your kitchen and to your family’s liking.  Good luck!

Master Recipe

makes 4 1-pound loaves which can be doubled or halved

3 cups lukewarm water

1 1/2 tbsp granulated yeast (2 packets)

1 ½ tbsp. kosher salt

6 ½ cups unsifted, unbleached, all-purpose white flour, measured with the scoop-and-sweep method

cornmeal

Gently stir the yeast into the water

Mixing and storing the dough

Warm the water slightly: it should feel just a little warmer than body temperature—about 100 degrees F.  Add yeast and salt to water in a resealable, lidded 5-quart (not airtight) plastic bucket.  Don’t worry about getting it to dissolve.

Scoop the flour from the container and use the flat end of a knife to level off the cup

Mix in the flour to incorporate it, but do not knead.  Add all of the flour at once, measuring it in with dry-ingredient cups by gently scooping up the flour into the cup and then sweeping the top of the cup with the flat end of a butter knife to level it off.  Do not press the flour down into the cup.  Mixing with a wooden spoon right into the bucket is easiest, but you can use a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook or a high capacity food processor with the dough attachment.  You will have more dishes to clean, however if you use the stand mixer or food processor and they aren’t necessary.  When everything is uniformly moist without dry patches, you are done.  Use your hands if necessary, but do not knead.  The dough should be wet enough to conform to the shape of the container.

Just leave the dough to do its thing for a few hours, then put it in the fridge for up to two weeks.  It's really that easy.

Allow the dough to rise.  Cover with the lid and allow to rise at room temperature until it begins to collapse, about 2 hours.  Letting it rise longer will not harm the results.  After this period, you can use the dough at any time, though fully refrigerated dough is less sticky and easier to work with.  For best results, refrigerate overnight before trying to shape a loaf.

On baking day: do not knead the dough, just shape it into a loaf.  Prepare a pizza peel or you could use a large, flat cutting board with a piece of parchment paper on top of it sprinkled with cornmeal to slide the loaf onto a pizza stone in the oven.  We use a large, domed clay oven, which eliminates the need for a pizza peel and a steam bath, which I will talk about later.  Sprinkle the surface of the dough with flour and pinch off a piece the size of a grapefruit.  Add just enough flour to your hands to keep it from sticking.  Gently shape it into a ball by turning the dough a quarter turn in your hand as you fold the dough under to form a ball.  The bottom of the dough might look ugly, but it will flatten as it bakes.  This process should take less than a minute.  
  
Rest the loaf and let rise uncovered on the pizza peel, the parchment paper, or on the clay oven bottom for 40 minutes.  It may not look like it has risen much after 40 minutes—don’t worry.

Twenty minutes before baking, preheat the oven to 450 degrees F with a baking stone in the oven to preheat as well.  Place an empty broiler tray or a metal pan on the lowest shelf.  You can omit this step if you are using a dome-covered clay oven as it will trap the steam from the bread as it bakes.

Dust the bread liberally with flour and slash a ¼ inch deep cross over the top of the bread with a serrated knife.

After 20 minutes, slide the loaf off the pizza peel or parchment, or put the lid on the clay oven and put it into the preheated oven.   Add a cup of hot tap water to the broiler tray or the metal pan.  Omit this step if using the clay oven or your clay oven will crack.  Bake for 30 minutes, or until the crust is nicely browned and firm to the touch.  Allow to cool on a wire rack before slicing.

Store remaining dough in the refrigerator in a lidded container (it doesn’t have to be the 5-quart bucket) for up to two weeks.  Just cut off dough, shape and bake as you need it.  The dough can also be frozen in 1-pound portions in an airtight container and defrosted overnight in the refrigerator prior to baking day.  You can also bake off the bread and freeze the loaf for croutons, bruschetta, bread crumbs, or bread pudding later.

Variation 1: mix in 2 tsp of dried thyme and ½ tsp chopped rosemary into the water mixture for an herbed bread.

Variation 2: for sourdough, don’t wash the bucket once you’ve used all the dough; immediately mix a new batch of dough in the dirty bucket and scrape down the dough left sticking to the sides.  It will ferment and incorporate into the new dough.  

These are the dishes I had to clean after making one of the more complicated recipes: Pumpkin Oatmeal Bread

Cinnamon rolls

Makes 6-8 cinnamon rolls

For cinnamon rolls, about two hours before you want to eat them, begin this recipe provided you already have some dough in the refrigerator:

Choose a topping for the cinnamon rolls:

Caramel Topping/Sticky Buns:

6 tbsp salted butter, softened

½ cup brown sugar

1 cup pecan pieces or halves

Cream together the butter and sugar and spread in the bottom of a 9-inch cake pan.  Scatter the pecans on top of the butter and sugar mixture.  Set aside.

Cream Cheese Icing:

8 oz cream cheese, 2 tbsp corn syrup

2 tbsp heavy cream (you can use half and half or milk)

1 cup powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

Combine all ingredients in a bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment or use a hand mixer.  Beat on low speed until combined about a minute, and increase speed to high.  Beat until free of lumps.  Refrigerate until ready to use.

Powdered Sugar Glaze:

1 ¼ cup powdered sugar

2 tbsp milk

½ tsp vanilla extract

Mix ingredients until it’s free of lumps.  Set aside.

For the cinnamon roll filling:

4 tbsp salted butter, softened

¼ cup sugar

1 tsp ground cinnamon

¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg

½ cup chopped and toasted pecans (optional)

Cream all ingredients except nuts together and set aside.

For the cinnamon rolls:

Dust the refrigerated dough with flour and cut off a grapefruit sized portion.  Carefully stretch the dough by tugging slightly while rotating the dough in your hands a quarter turn.  On a large surface lightly dusted with flour, roll the dough out into a long 1/8 inch thick rectangle.  You could lay down wax or parchment paper or cover the surface with plastic wrap for easy clean up and to aid in rolling up the dough if you don’t have a bench scraper.  

Spread the filling evenly over the top of the dough and sprinkle with nuts if using.  Starting with the long side, roll the dough into a log.  With unflavored dental floss or a very sharp knife, slice the log into eight pieces, or if you want smaller or larger ones, how many pieces suit your needs.  

If you are not using the caramel sticky bun recipe, then butter the pan liberally.  Place the rolls into the prepared pan of choice, either swirled edge facing up.  Cover loosely with a kitchen towel or plastic wrap and allow to rise for an hour, or 40 minutes if you are using fresh, unrefrigerated dough.

Twenty minutes before baking, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  If you aren’t using a pizza stone to keep the temperature beneath the pan, 5 minutes is adequate.  Bake for 40 minutes, rotating once halfway through, or until they are brown and firm in the center.  While they are still hot, run a knife around the edge to loosen them and invert onto a large serving tray.  Ice them while warm if necessary.

Winter begets Spring

My dad and I at Mardi Gras in 2007 after my Iraq deployment

When I left the doctor yesterday, I was devastated.  As I drove home, I felt old and barren and I blamed myself for pissing away my youth on things I have nothing to show for except memories I can barely write about anymore.  I started to feel numb to protect myself from the pain I was feeling and the scenery began whizzing my car’s windshield.  The trees had no leaves; everything was grey and lifeless.  Everything was sleeping.   But the sun was shining and bright and I thought to myself, there are tiny little buds beneath those dormant branches that will sprout soon.

The Space Needle in Spring

Spring will be here before I know it and I will be sneezing from all the flowers—life will be abundant again.  I didn’t realize until today as I started thinking we need to plant seeds soon for our plot in the community pea patch if we want ripe, juicy tomatoes in August.  I’ve already ordered the seeds and put planting instructions into a spreadsheet.  I did this so I wouldn’t be surprised by the fact that it’s February 24^th in case I was planning on doing nothing this week, but apparently I have 14 varieties of tomatoes and peppers to plant and I haven’t even thought about which containers they will go in, let alone purchased the soil.  Yeah, about that. 

Last year, we flew by the seat of our pants and it worked.  We had a beautiful harvest and not much failed.  Apparently, according to the unwanted advice and comments from other gardeners in the pea patch, no one in the Pacific Northwest plants tomatoes from seed directly into the soil.  If you are going to have any success, you have to either start the seeds in January, or buy starts from a nursery.  Well, my tomatoes not only grew from seed after I planted them directly in the soil in May, but they made some pretty incredible salsa and were darn tasty on summer salads.  This year, I won’t take my chances though since last year was unseasonably dry and hot.  I’ll start those seeds indoors in two weeks.  Last year was the equivalent of two teenagers experimenting in the back of a car and getting pregnant when the planets aligned.  We know our luck won't let this happen again.  Seeds need conditions to be just right to grow.

Duane tilling our pea patch plot before we planted last year

I will blog later about other aspects of beginning, growing, and sustaining a garden.  I just wanted to point out today that it’s February.  This darkness and the cold, rainy days will be over soon.  Spring will be here soon and life will be bursting at the seams all around us.  For us, that may mean a pregnancy, but it may also mean the birth of a new direction for our family.  I don’t know, but right now I'm focused on creating the right conditions to make those seeds sprout and take hold. 

In this moment, not much is clear.  But it doesn't matter.  What does matter is that when I was noticing only the lifeless tree branches and yellow grass, suddenly I am planning for a new season and cultivating life.  Winter always begets spring.  It’s part of life.  Knowing this gives me hope when everything looked bleak and dormant not long ago.    

Chicken Pot Pie

This is a fairly simple homemade chicken pot pie that is very forgiving and the recipe isn't exact.  It makes six to eight servings, depending on how many ladles of filling you prefer.  I thaw just enough puff pastry for the evening's dinner and I freeze the rest of the filling in quart freezer bags in portions perfect for another meal.  For this particular recipe, it makes three meals--one that we will eat now and two quart-sized freezer bags that I can pull out, thaw, ladle into oven-safe crocks or bowls and top with puff pastry for a quick weeknight meal.  This is everything you want from a chicken pot pie.  You could certainly substitute turkey or even go meatless and pack in the veggies.

1lb boneless, skinless chicken (white, dark or a combination), cut into bite sized pieces
6-8 c diced vegetables (I use celery, onion, broccoli, peas, carrots and mushrooms but you could use beans, potatoes, spinach, parsnips, or any other favorite vegetable.)
1 to 2 tsp dried thyme (you can use fresh thyme, just use about 1 tbsp finely minced instead
3 dried bay leaves
1 tsp dried rosemary, or 2 tsp fresh rosemary finely minced
1 tsp garlic powder or a couple cloves of finely minced fresh garlic
1 tsp black or 1/2 tsp white pepper
1 to 2 quarts chicken stock
1 c dry white wine
1 to 2 c half and half (to taste)
1/2 c to 1 c cornstarch mixed into a slurry with cold water
1 pkg puff pastry (found in the freezer aisle near the desserts) OR 1 package refrigerated pie dough OR any recipe of biscuit or dumpling--we prefer the puff pastry and that's what is pictured here
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/2 to 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (depending on how many you are making)
1 to 2 tbsp sliced almonds

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees if you are using puff pastry.  If you are using biscuit dough, pie dough, or dumplings, preheat the oven to whatever temperature your recipe calls for to cook it.  If you would normally cook biscuits at 350 degrees, then preheat the oven to that.  Honestly though, this recipe is so forgiving that if you just put the oven at 375 degrees and cook the pot pie until whatever crust you put on it is brown, the filling will still be amazing.

In a 6 or 8 quart pot, add the wine, one quart of chicken stock, herbs and seasonings (don't add the salt yet) and the raw chicken.  Bring this to a boil and let it simmer uncovered.  And since the bottle of chardonnay is open, pour yourself a glass and start chopping vegetables.  Make sure you've thoroughly sanitized the area where you cut up the chicken.  Cross contamination is a huge concern when working with raw meats, especially chicken.

Side Note: We only use organic chicken.  You will never eat factory-farmed chicken again if you knew what happens to it.  This is a rare meal for us and a special one because organic chicken isn't that cheap.  If you are really ambitious, you could buy a whole, organic fryer and cut the meat off the bone and use it for the pot pie.  Save the wings and the carcass and make chicken stock from it along with all the vegetable scraps you will get from this dish.  If you haven't got the time tonight, toss the raw carcass along with the scraps into a gallon freezer bag and just start adding vegetable scraps to it and make stock another day when you have a little more time.  I'll post a blog later about how to make stock, but for now, start saving the vegetable scraps and meat bones in a gallon freezer bag.  Even save those onion skins and carrot peels!

Next, start chopping.  Tonight I used a combination of what I had on hand and what I like.  Plus this meal is a great way to add extra vegetables August might not eat alone.  I added 3 celery ribs finely diced; 4 peeled, thinly sliced carrots; half a finely diced yellow onion; 4 broccoli heads, stalks removed, cut in to bite-sized pieces; one bag of organic peas; and about 10 sliced crimini mushrooms. Once everything is all chopped up, just add it to the pot.  Turn the heat up to bring it back to a rolling boil.  At this point, you will want to assess your broth.  If you need some more stock or wine, add it to just barely cover the vegetables.  Make sure the chicken is fully cooked, however, before taste testing the broth.  You will also want to add salt and adjust seasonings at this point.

Once you are happy with the flavors, you can thicken the sauce.  I prefer cornstarch, but use whatever you like to use as a thickener.  You are going to need a lot of cornstarch.  Start with a small mixing bowl and mix 1/2 cup cornstarch with just enough water to cover it and stir.  This is how you make a slurry.  Make sure you've scraped the corners well and there are no lumps.  Slowly add the slurry to the simmering pot pie mixture and watch it thicken.  Keep in mind you are going to also be adding cream, so you want it about as thick as a pudding, maybe slightly thinner.  You can always add stock to thin it out too.  Tonight I had to use about a cup of cornstarch and it was perfect.

Cut the pastry into four squares.  I cut one of the squares to fit August's baby pot pie.

Add the cream slowly and stir.  I say add about a cup and taste the sauce.  Add more if you want a creamier flavor.  You actually don't even need cream, but we like it.  Of course the more cream you add, the richer it becomes and the more calories it has.  We add about a cup, which is just enough to give it some richness, but not enough to make it too heavy.  Taste the sauce again and adjust the seasonings, especially the salt.  This is what your filling will taste like, so it needs to be perfect--you don't want the filling to be bland since it will have a pastry covering it and will be difficult to season.        

Can you guess which one is for the baby?

At this point, your puff pastry should be pliable and thawed.  I only thaw one sheet for our family and even then I have some left to refreeze.  Each box comes with two sheets.  Don't try to unfold them until they are thawed since they are folded in thirds and you will be cutting this into four squares.  Set the thawed pastry aside and don't handle it until you absolutely need to.

You will need some oven-safe crocks or bowls for this.  Most cereal or soup bowls will work, but just make sure before you make this recipe you have something that you can put in the oven.  Place the bowls on a cookie sheet and fill each one with a few ladles of the hot filling.  Gently take a square of the pastry and stretch it slightly so it will cover the bowl in one pass.  Try not to stretch any holes in it because once there is a hole, it's difficult to patch and the pot pie needs a tight seal to get the big beautiful dome for a remarkable presentation. If you are using pie dough, biscuits, or dumplings, cover the pot pies similarly.  For the pie dough, roll out enough to cover and then reroll the dough for each one.  For the biscuits, drop a rounded heap on top of the pot pie.  For the dumplings, drop a few dumplings on top of the bowl.

Once the bowls have been covered, brush the pastry with the lightly beaten egg.  This step isn't necessary, but it will give the pot pie a nice shine and help the cheese stick to it.  Top each pie with a few tablespoons of shredded cheddar cheese and a teaspoon or so of sliced almonds.  Now you are ready to bake.  Pop them in the oven for about 15-20 minutes, depending on your oven.  Check them at about 12-13 minutes.  What you are looking for is a raised, golden brown crust.  The cheese should be melted and the almonds should be toasted.  I like to serve them on a side plate with a folded napking underneath to keep the bowl from sliding on the plate.

To freeze, ladle the number of ladles you needed for one dinner--for my family, we used ten ladles to fill all the bowls.  This amount fit well into a quart-sized freezer bag.  I cleaned it off, marked it with a sharpie including the date and what it was and froze it flat so I can stack it in the freezer with things like marinara sauce and beef stew.  When you want it for dinner, thaw it in the fridge a day or two before, heat it in a saucepan or microwave and ladle it in to bowls.  Add your topping and bake.  Dinner couldn't be easier or more of a treat.  

Thousand Mile Journey

I've been thinking about how to get started blogging again since my computer was the issue.  Duane got me a new computer for Christmas so I wouldn't have an excuse.  I guess I have to start somewhere.  So much time has passed; there's so much I want to tell you.  I can't cover it all in one blog and every time I get started, I stop because I think it's getting too long.  My solution is to just not worry about it.  I figure if I just start here and write, I will get better.  Eventually, I will be where I want to be with this blog.  I suppose life is like that.

Duane tilling the garden at the Pea Patch last spring on his only day off.  It took four hours and left blisters on his hands. 

I heard on the radio today a follow up on New Year's Resolutions.  I thought about my own--to plan out the garden, to get through next winter entirely on our own produce with things we've canned, frozen, and dried.  I plan to be more organized and not have piles of things with numbers that will eventually equal a stolen identity leaving me paranoid to just throw anything in the trash.  I'm also becoming a bit of a hoarder when it comes to bits of paper August has scribbled on.  I vowed also to come up with some sort of system to save money, pay bills systematically, and to bake bread daily.  We plan to be debt free so we can buy a house in the fall.  All of this goes without saying that I have also vowed to not eat too much, drink too much, exercise more, and call my family every Sunday.  Have I gotten to how bad I am at making sure Christmas cards and thank you notes are sent out on time?  What, am I crazy?  I thought so too.

This is one month's supply of drugs for an IUI cycle.  After five rounds of this, we are now on to IVF and our drugs are five times this.

 By the way, did I mention we have been trying to have another baby since August was six months old?  Most people just get drunk and squander away their savings on impulse purchases when they are trying to (not) have a baby and wind up pregnant.  Not us.

I'm not sure, but some nights it feels more like revenge and less like love and the beauty a couple shares when trying to have a baby.  Duane takes a little too much joy in the process.

It's almost February and I don't even think I stood a chance past the first week in January with goals like that.  Yet, when I look back on the past few weeks, I'm actually proud of what I have accomplished.  When I think about it in these terms, I realize it isn't even February and I've already experimented with a few different kinds of breads, frozen a bunch of sugar pie pumpkin puree from the farm for pies, breads and dishes later in the year.  I've taken inventory of the freezer and created a spreadsheet for the garden and begun to plan.  I've ordered seeds and enlisted help from nearby friends who are willing to help plant and weed in exchange for some produce.  I've started a calendar for meals and begun inputting recipes I've gathered from my favorite cookbooks I hope to make in the future.  I even attacked laundry mountain once this year, which is *almost* more than I can say for last year.  And our IVF cycle is scheduled for February!

In just a few days, with no air conditioning when it was 90 degrees outside, we canned 110 pounds of tomatoes in two days.  Four weeks later, we canned another 125 pounds.

When I look back at last year, I try not to be too hard on myself.  I try to look at what we've accomplished rather than get down on myself for what we didn't.  Of course Duane has his own set of things he wants to accomplish, but collectively, we've moved mountains even though some days it feels like the mountain is on top of us.  We paid off almost $10,000 in debt by cutting out things we thought we needed but don't, like cable and Starbucks.  We learned how to grow a garden and canned hundreds of pounds of vegetables.  We learned about organics and changed everything about the way we eat.  We learned sign language to be able to communicate with our daughter.  And oh yeah, there's that--we raised her into a toddler too, which is no small feat.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes when you just don't know where to start and everything feels overwhelming, start at the beginning .  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (that's a Chinese proverb).  And if you just keep placing one foot in front of the other, you might not get to the end today or tomorrow, but you will be farther along on your journey than you were when you began.  Keep looking back and you will see how far you've come and one day, you just won't need to look back again.

August is signing "more, more" with Daddy.  At just 17 months, she has about 300 signs and understands concepts like seasons, colors, temperature, feelings, days of the week, foods and family relationships.  She also knows about 50-75 animals and can differentiate between a variety of categories such as different types of birds, monkeys, fish and other sea creatures, and mammals.  She isn't deaf, so we didn't need to teach her sing and at first, it felt overwhelming since she didn't sign back for a few months.  But now it's like we opened a portal to be able to communicate with a little girl who has so much to say, but didn't have the ability to communicate the words in her brain to do so.